You don't have to be a psychologist

Being a people manager doesn't mean you have to become a professional psychologist or therapist. But like being a good friend, you need to be understanding and adaptable to their needs. It's about understanding their needs as well as your own, and, at times, putting their needs before yours. Knowing the boundaries of both your responsibility as a people manager, and what your team member does and doesn't want to share, is also particularly important. Everyone needs privacy, and everyone's ideas and limits of privacy are different.

I have discussed some very deep and personal thoughts and issues with individual team members, which include positive and negative feelings, ranging from delight and love, to hate and grief.

However, it's important to note that some team members prefer only to discuss work and keep most things private, and in general, there's no right or wrong, or even a magic formula for this. It's about what feels appropriate for you and them.

One aspect that is often forgotten about is the possible gap or overlap between people managers. In an era where we are all constantly busy and time-poor, there is a real risk of having only superficial, ticking-the-box, transactional dialogue. Far worse, a one-to-one meeting turning into a monologue with only the manager talking! Moreover, since people management is all about understanding and giving your team member what they really need, this can be counterproductive.

This is especially true in a matrix management structure, where a person can have multiple managers. If the managers involved are not clear on what aspect they are responsible for, or neglect that responsibility, then the person ultimately may not be managed appropriately. Conversely, as the old saying goes, "Too many cooks spoil the broth." If a person is ill and cannot come into work, having multiple managers call to ask, How are you? or What's wrong? will most likely be counterproductive.

The art and science of people management is a remarkably interesting and broad topic, and while there is no magic formula or one-size-fits-all approach, there is an entire range of research and tools. Like a good developer, a good manager will also have a suitable toolkit, which we will discuss in more detail throughout this book.